Up Here In My Tree

2007-12-26T21:35:00.001Z

2007-12-26T21:33:00.001Z

2007-12-26T21:30:00.001Z

2007-12-26T21:28:00.001Z

No Way, It Can't Be.......It Is.........Bloody Hell

2007-10-11T20:52:00.001+01:00

I'm still alive.......oh iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh iiiiiiiiiii'mmmmmmmmmm ssssstiiiiiiiiilllllllllll alive!! Teehee!

Will post something soon. I have a few thoughts on several albums I have bought recently. What a great few weeks of music. Foo Fighters, Eddie Vedder and now, Radiohead (quite possibly the greatest band on the earth.......yes, I did say that!!). Needless to say I bought the discbox, I just couldn't resist. As for the album....fantastic. I will post more here shortly. Oh, and apologies for the lackof comments on blogs.......I have been really bust what with work, studying etc etc.

Tales of Pot Noodles, Disappointments and a Monster

2007-09-01T15:27:00.000+01:00

Well, looks like I might still be able to produce children, despite the best efforts of my father-in-law (curse him). Did another 10km yesterday and around 14km today. I'm not going to be able to sit down at this rate!! Still, I have discovered that it is a necessity. We went into Seville yesterday to do a bit of shopping and I was particularly after the new Real Betis shirt (they are my in-laws team and it is their centenary and, as I'm a big footie fan, it had to be done!). Bugger was, they have a tendency to produce shirts that are a little, how shall we say, skin tight. This was all well and good a couple of years back when I was relatively slim. Now, however, years of booze and Pot Noodles have started to take their toll. When I put on the shirt when I got home, I was rather shocked to discover that I had managed to conceal a spare tire about my person. Well, I say conceal. I was greeted with a chorus of guffaws and I immediately decided that the cycling is necessary if I have any hope of turning my life around. I don't intend on looking like the Michelin man in my mid-30s. Screw that. Pot Noodles will have to take a back seat for now.

Anyway, Seville looks much better now the road works habve calmed down. However, my once vociferous support for the new tram system is starting to make me look foolish. Although the streets look much better, they poles used to support the tram lines are ridiculously large and rather too in your face. They decided that black would be a good look, leaving the city a mass of black poles and wires, rather spoiling the view of the cathedral. Dammit, Seville, your making me look silly with my 'it will be great when it's finished' routine. Sort it out pronto!!

On the plus side, a new music/technology place has opened in the centre. Hard to beleive that they didn't have a single reputable record shop these past few years. This one is called fnac and it is pretty impressive. I was certainly happy when I walked out of there with Rage Against The Machine - Live At The Olympic Auditorium, Radiohead - Meeting People Is Easy and Monster by REM (the only REM album I have ever really got into, but then it was released in 1994) - all for under ₤20. Result!! Right, I need to go for a walk before my bums stiffens up. Adios!

Pride Comes Before a Fall

2007-08-28T14:07:00.000+01:00

Surely this must be some kind of mistake? A post? On 'In My Tree'? What is going on. Well, seeing as I am on holiday at the moment, I thought I would take the opportunity to say 'hi'. So, er, 'hi'. Well now that is over with, I guess I ought to fill up some space with some pointless meanderings about my life. Now, where shall I start.......

Ok, firstly, I have a new job. Well, it is not exactly a 'new' job as it is the same as the old job, but it is in a brand spanking new location. Luckily, a post came up much closer to home and, although I was quite settled in my old place of work (although there were few people I would call 'friends'), the opportunity to cut down on travelling time (good for the environment - yay!) and work closer to where I live (no more late arrivals at home - yay!) were too good to turn down. Bearing in mind I intend to start planning a family shortly, the extra cash saved as a result of this move will come in very useful. So, in short, yay to me!

At the moment I am relaxing in Spain, although I have to admit it is a little difficult to relax at the moment. Of late, I have developed what some might describe as a 'beer-belly', I prefer to think of it as an extra layer of warmth. Consequently (you can tell I have been writing too many essays recently, who uses 'consequently' in casual conversation??!!), my father-in-law suggested we go for a bike ride. I anticipated that this would be a short, yet jolly, jaunt around the neighborhood. However, it turned into an 18km ordeal that I thought would never end. The main cause of my pain was not so much the cycling, more the fact that I felt like a razor blade was taunting my genitals. The saddle was perhaps the most uncomfortable thing I have ever experienced. I felt like blood was about to surge forth from around my.........well, you get the drift. Now it hurts when I sit down for a long period of time. Hence, writing this post is a little like torture. Hey, the price we have to pay, right?

I guess I could have said enough after 6km and we could have headed back after accomplishing a respectable 12km ride. But this was my father-in-law. And his friend. I was representing England. Suddenly, this became about national pride (and proving I wasn't a wuss!!). I have never been particularly competitive (although I play football regularly, I am know for a rather languid approach - I put that down to skill, they put it down to laziness), and yet here I was feeling the urge to prove that I am a man. What a dick. The price for my pride (something that has been badly bruised over the years when not neglected entirely) is a scorching red scrotum. Lesson learnt. Next time, screw the pride. If my father-in-law thinks I am a big girl, then so be it. There's no shame in that, right? Now, where's that Vaseline?

I Still Exist - Here's The Proof

2007-07-29T19:41:00.001+01:00

Some photos to placate those who think I have gone into hiding!

Pearl Jam - Wembley Arena

2007-06-20T12:52:00.000+01:00

Set 1

Long Road,

Severed Hand,

Grievance,

Comatose,

Given To Fly,

Low Light,

I Got Id,

Faithfull,

Green Disease,

Marker In The Sand,

Immortality,

Down,

Present Tense,

State Of Love And Trust,

Why Go,

Save You,

Porch

Encore 1

Inside Job,

Parachutes,

Crazy Mary,

Do The Evolution,

Alive

Encore 2

No More,

Bu$hleaguer,

World Wide Suicide,

Rockin' In The Free World,

Indifference

Well, what a night! And what a nightmare sequence of events leading up to it!! For a short time, on Sunday night, it looked like my wife would have to go to work and the whole thing was going to go tits up. Thank fuck it didn't as I had a superb night (much as I suspected). I guess I ought to tell you all about it.

Idlewild were the opening act on Monday night and, I have to admit, I hadn't heard much about them previous to the gig. Although they didn't blow me away, I was quite impressed with some of their stuff, enough to want to try out one of their albums. The only thing that bothered me was the vocalist. For some strange reason he seemed to prefer facing to the side when he was singing (or even with his back to the audience at one point). I couldn't get used to it, it was almost as if he was scared to face the audience. However, that aside, they were quite enjoyable and they certainly 'warmed me up' for the main event.

Then it came. The lights went down, Master/Slave began to fill the Arena with its chilled out vibe and then, the moment I had been waiting for for 15 YEARS - Pearl Jam made their way out onto the stage. The sudden, expectant surge was forthcoming and the crowd went wild. It has been 7 long years since they last played a proper Arena gig in the UK, now the end of the famine was in sight. Luckily we got pretty close to the front and, although we weren't quite within touching distance, it was quite an awesome feeling to finally see these guys up close. There's no way these guys could let me down and give a poor performance, and they proved me right with a blistering performance from start to finish.

They opened the set with Long Road which had the crowd singing along right from the start. This was followed by Severed Hand, one of the stand-out tracks on the latest album, and then some classic tunes almost perfectly designed for the moshpit. I was breathless by the time the pace slowed down during Low Light. One thing was clear as they made their way throughout the set, this was a fans set list. The well known hits were shunned in favour of well loved, yet little known, classics from the Pearl Jam back catalogue (which is vast). Of these, the stand-out songs were State of Love and Trust, Porch and Present Tense (a track that is popular amongst all 'true' Pearl Jam fans). Porch was particularly well received, with crowd surfers doing their thing while Eddie strode from one side of the stage to the other taking a moment to check out the audience, whilst Mike McCready did his thing, mesmerising the crowd with his superb guitar work (not to mention his endless generosity throughout as he threw out countless plectrums into the crowd). Breathtaking stuff. I could barely believe I was there.

Eddie was on good form that night as well. Cracking jokes and looking like he was thoroughly enjoying himself, he has become the peerless front man. And what a voice. At one point he thanked the crowd for 'putting up with [his] voice' all these years. With a voice like his, I could put up with it for a very long time and never get bored. Perhaps the finest moment came at the beginning of Indifference. Eddie had just been telling the crowd how he may have written some 'shit lyrics' but he was 'really proud' of these - cue Indifference. Unfortunately, just a couple of lines in, Eddie had forgotten the words that he was most proud of. Luckily the crowd pitched in and it all came back to him! He certainly saw the funny side as a broad smile spread out across his face (yes, that's right all you doubters, Eddie does know how to enjoy himself!!!).

Eddie also took the opportunity to share a new song that had only been played once before. 'No More' was an acoustic offering that was spawned via conversations with a man who had returned from Iraq and was paralysed from the chest down. Whilst the rest of the band were backstage, Eddie performed the song alone with his acoustic guitar and his usual passionate voice. It's difficult to know whether this will be staple of the Pearl Jam live set, but it was a fantastic moment to hear a new song debuted in the UK.

The remainder of the second encore had a distinct political theme to it, perhaps unsurprising given his comparison to Bush as a 'drunken driver' before 'No More'. Whatever, the atmosphere was electric in the Arena and, even after a 2 1/2 hour set, there was a sense that everyone would have been happy if it had gone on all night. Sadly, it wasn't to be. However, Pearl Jam had given a fantastic show that will live long in the memory. Although I had waited 15 years for this moment, I feel I have seen one of the best Pearl Jam live performances. Certainly that was the impression I got from various message boards and from the crowd on the night. It was well worth the wait. Pearl Jam were in their prime. Long may it continue.

A Selection of Clips

2007-06-20T12:00:00.000+01:00

Some from near where I was standing, some with just good sound.

For real

2007-06-19T17:49:00.001+01:00

Keep on rockin' in the free world

2007-06-18T23:58:00.001+01:00

I got memories, i got Shit

2007-06-18T23:57:00.001+01:00

The Faithfull

2007-06-18T20:35:00.001+01:00

Idlewild

2007-06-18T20:13:00.001+01:00

Take my word for it ok? I'm not actually that far back. Honest!

The stage

2007-06-18T18:58:00.001+01:00

Wembley Stadium

2007-06-18T18:05:00.001+01:00

Proof

2007-06-18T16:30:00.001+01:00

And so it begins....

2007-06-18T14:02:00.001+01:00

Pearl Jam - Wembley Arena

2007-06-17T19:12:00.000+01:00

Only 24 hours to go until the big one!! I have a distinct feeling that I won't get much sleep tonight!! Actually, I have an awful feeling that something is going to go very badly wrong. After all, fate seems to have a habit of stopping me going to see Pearl Jam. Hopefully, tomorrow will be different. I will be devastated if it all goes tits up in some way. Anyhow, I will no doubt post some pictures from the gig on this blog just to prove I was really there. And I am sure I will bang on about it for at least six months! So, anyway, here's to what is sure to be a great gig and a fantastic birthday present to boot!!

Misheard Lyrics.....

2007-05-20T10:35:00.000+01:00

This made me laugh!!

Obsessions....

2007-05-19T08:26:00.001+01:00

Ok, now I know I'm obsessed. Last night I dreamt that I was at a Pearl Jam gig in a very small hall (almost like a school hall) and, during the interval (at a gig???!!) Eddie Vedder was walking around the crowd with me and my wife. Like we were old friends or something. And this isn't the first time I have had dreams of seeing Pearl Jam and being friends with members of the band! The sooner I go to this gig (1 month to go) and get it out of my system, the better!!

Chris Cornell - No Such Thing

2007-05-17T22:29:00.000+01:00

Chris' new video, which is undoubtedly weird!

Tintin Set For Big Screen

2007-05-15T22:16:00.000+01:00

This has got to be just about the coolest news in the history of the world ever!!

The directors of ET and the Lord of the Rings trilogy are teaming up to bring the adventures of Tintin, Belgium's famous globe-trotting reporter, to the big screen.

Yep, that's right Spielberg and Jackson are reported to be working on bringing Tintin to the cinema. According to the reports:

Spielberg and Jackson will joint-produce three back-to-back features, based on Hergé's comic book character, with each directing one film. It is as yet unclear who will direct the third movie. The films will be shot in 3-D, using motion capture technology, a technique by which an actor's movements are recorded and used to create an animated character. Jackson used the technique on the Lord of the Rings films to create Gollum.

Now, I have always been a big Tintin fan. I always though they were far more sophisticated than people would have you believe. The Blue Lotus is a phenomenal work mixing politics with old school adventure. The Tintin books have already been compared to some of the greatest works of literature. This could yet be one of Spielberg's finest work. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed anyway.

In Praise of Badgers.....

2007-05-15T22:14:00.000+01:00

From The Guardian:

"The most ancient Briton of English beasts," wrote the poet Edward Thomas of the badger, a justified verdict on a black-and-white creature that has always added colour to the nation's life. The appearance of one sett in the Domesday Book merely marks the start of the current chapter in a tale stretching back a quarter of a million years. Despite their elusive nature, their inquisitive face is still one of the most recognisable symbols of British wildlife. And the 250,000 living in this country also represent a rare ecological success - the population has held its own far better than in most of continental Europe.

Decades after badger-baiting was driven underground, the brock has not seen off all enemies, however. Dairy farmers believe the creatures infect their herds with TB and are pushing for a cull. Ministers flinch at making a martyr of a lovable icon; they have played for time by commissioning a study that will be finished this summer. Devotees at the Badger Trust are not waiting to put their case across. After burrowing through the evidence, they yesterday produced a report drawing on the best scientific journals. It points out that the Irish policy of laying 6,000 snares each night has decimated badger numbers, but not reduced a bovine TB problem twice the scale of Britain's. Infection can pass from badger to cattle but, it seems, that is much less important than transmission between the cows themselves. The debate is not over, but prospects are brightening for badgers.

Last FM Re-vamp

2007-05-12T23:39:00.000+01:00

Last FM has had a bit of a touch-up and it's even cooler than it was before. In the 'Recently Played' box in the sidebar, the Last FM widget allows you to play 30 second snippets from the songs I have been listening to. How cool is that? All you have to do, is click the little play symbol and away it goes. They have also added a widget to display your 'music quilt', which is equally cool. If you haven't done so already, I seriously recommend signing up. It opens a new world of possibilities. And best of all, it's an English invention (as are all great inventions!!).

The Music I Tried to Hide

2007-05-10T21:44:00.000+01:00

Ok, I give in. I can't run away forever. Most people in the real world know my embarrassing music secret, so I guess I have to relent and share them with you too (I should never have posted that quiz). The only problem is, I cannot remember what bands I let slip so I will have to share all of them with you. However, by way of revenge, you will actually have to watch the clips to work out who they are (you didn't think I would make this easy did you?) The clips I have chosen just so happen to be my favourites by each artist:

1)

3) A Shelley connection:

4) I've got a feeling I was in the crowd for this one:

So, I hope you are all happy now.

No Shit!

2007-04-29T14:59:00.001+01:00

Your Taste in Music:

90's Alternative: Highest Influence

80's Pop: Low Influence

80's R&B: Low Influence

80's Rock: Low Influence

90's Hip Hop: Low Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

A New Chapter Has Begun.......

2007-04-19T17:42:00.000+01:00

Hello!! I'm back in the land of blogs!! Yay to that! What a week I have had as well!! I don't know where to start describing the many wide and varied events of the past few days! Well, I'm sure I will find a beginning......

I know this is going to sound more than a little sappy, but I once more felt like I belonged somewhere. I have always felt comfortable in academic surroundings, it just seems to feel right to me. It's kinda weird though. Being out of the 'academic world' for so long (nearly 10 years!!), you start to feel like you are regressing back to the days before you commenced your first degree - at least, that's how I felt. You begin to convince yourself that you are actually not very clever at all and are only just higher than wood lice on the evolutionary scale. It came as quite a surprise to find that I wasn't out of my depth after all. Lecturers and students nodded with approval on the rare occasions I managed to contribute - aahhh, the warm feeling of acceptance.

Having said that, it is still very easy to feel a bit despondent by the experience. As always, there was a small group who decided to play the old 'alpha-male' trick. Dominating lectures and questioning the lecturer's arguments in an attempt to make them look superior. Initially, I thought I was the only one who hated their behaviour. Right from Day 1, I had their cards marked as typical competitive students. As the week progressed I discovered, luckily, that everyone else hated them too. This discovery came at around the time I wrote the word 'C**T' on my notes when one of them came up with a typically pedantic question. A guy behind spotted it and laughed out loud before expressing his contempt as well (luckily!!). By and large I tend to ignore people like that. I am never too concerned about other people's backgrounds and apparent superiority. Nine times out of ten, they end up exposing their stupidity, rather than the other way around. Still, they were DEFINITELY 'C**TS'.

Still, other aspects perked me up no end. Now, I know this is wrong, I'm married and I shouldn't be looking at other women, but I'm only human, so I did (sorry!). One girl in particular caught my roving eye (sorry!). She was stunningly beautiful. She came from the Middle East and she was almost flawless. Dark hair, tanned skin, dark eyes, gorgeous (although, of course, marginally less beautiful than my wife). Well, we kind of had a running joke about me chasing this girl during the course of the week, but I hardly exchanged words with her at all. And then, just when I thought the moment had passed, I bumped into her in the library the day before we were due to leave. I struck up a pretty unexciting conversation about travelling home and what-not, the kind of conversation that just kills time to save embarrassment, when she said something that struck me dumb. She asked me if I had ever been to her country, I replied 'no' and, before I knew it, she invited me over there to stay whenever I wanted!! My initial thought?? SHIT!!! Of course, I would never take up the offer, but where the hell did that come from???? I know nothing was meant by it (I understand that they are very hospitable people), but it was still a little disconcerting for a Westerner. I guess I better not tell the wife!!

Then, on top of everything else, I managed to wind up a couple of our tutors on the final night. The university had arranged a pub quiz for the evening, so we couldn't resist the opportunity to show off our (lack) of knowledge. We ended up next to the lecturers which meant that, at the end of every round, we would have to make their papers (a funny little twist of fate!). Much to the shock of my team-mates, I decided to taunt our rivals (our rivals that will decide my fate on the course I hasten to add). On the first occasion I wrote the words:

'CHEATS'

at the top of their page. A risky thing to write for sure, but we were behind them and they deserved it! I decided to tone it down on the next sheet and wrote (with a smiley face):

Only joking (please don't fail me!!)

Thankfully they seemed to see the funny side, but then I decided to taunt them again on the last round with a hefty:

HA! HA!

Did someone say 'line', 'cross', 'do not'??? The beauty was, my tactics worked!! My decision to resort to intimidation drew us level with the lecturers, after being well behind! Who would have thought mind games would be so much fun??! However, I did get concerned that I was going to get shit marks on my assignments so I did decide to check with one of the members of staff that they are marked anonymously. They are. PHEW!!! Note to self: wind up the lecturers at the end of the course, not the beginning!

Anyway, I guess I will share more of my experiences over time (if I have any now I am starting a Masters) so prepare for more boredom in the near future (hey, at least I have posted here, ok???!!!).

Off to Study....

2007-04-13T21:48:00.000+01:00

I won't be posting anything until next Friday as I am away at university preparing for my Masters. Mask will still be operating under the watchful eye of Rickb of Ten Percent, so keep reading. See ya soon.......

A Nice Little Surprise....

2007-04-10T15:07:00.000+01:00

Something must be wrong. There's definitely something not right here. Two posts in a matter of days in what many consider to be the blogging equivalent of second-class post. Well, actually I am here to blow my own trumpet. I was rather chuffed this morning to discover that Mask of Anarchy has been nominated as 'Best Political Blog', which was a bit of a shock to say the least. I don't fancy my chances of winning anything (or even gaining more than 1 vote - and that would be me!), but it's kinda cool anyway. I guess if nothing else it gives a little bit of free publicity, which is a good thing, right?

Anyway, thanks to all of you that have been reading my political musings over the past 18 months, it has been a lot of fun so far. I will be off to university again on Sunday to begin working on my Masters, so blogging might decline a great deal. I already have another fantastic contributor in RickB at Ten Percent, who will be blogging in my absence, so things will continue to chug along nicely. Of course, this doesn't mean the end of my blogging, just a reduction as my focus shifts to my studies. Anyway, I might convince my fellow students that we should have a blog to accompany our course. This blogging thing is addictive!

Egg-cellent

2007-04-08T16:59:00.000+01:00

So it's Easter. Doesn't mean much to me. Of course, I still bought my wife a little Easter surprise but I wasn't expecting anything in return. Typically, she surprised me this morning and actually gave me a chocolate egg. Fortunately, it was an organic chocolate egg (she knows me so well!!), but it left me feeling a little awkward. Of course I accepted it graciously, but it niggled away at me. This is just commercial. It means nothing else other than a nice piece of (organic) chocolate to munch on.

It's difficult to know what to do. After all, Easter eggs are just part of a marketing campaign by the chocolate companies. One of my sisters asked me the other day what the point of giving an Easter egg is, what does it represent? To be honest, I haven't got a clue. I fed her some crap about it representing the resurrection of Christ (what with the egg signifying birth and all that) and she seemed to buy it (my reputation as font of all knowledge is intact!!). According to Wikipedia:

In Christian times the egg had bestowed upon it a religious interpretation, becoming a symbol of the rock tomb out of which Christ emerged to the new life of His resurrection. It can also represent the darkness inside the tomb inside a hollow egg. Over the years it progressed that the egg, representing spring and fertility, would be merged into an already pagan springtime festival. Connecting this symbol to Christ’s Resurrection in the spring required much creativity and human reasoning.

So I was close. Either that, or someone else has been bluffing and posted it as an entry on Wikipedia.

Sadly, I am destined to always have to acknowledge Easter (it would be a bit harsh to ignore it when you are married to a Christian). However, not all commercial days are the same. I have agreed with my wife that Mother's and Father's Days will not be observed when we start pro-creating (oh, sounds so romantic, eh?). Which I take as a particularly satisfying victory. After all, they are probably the most pointless celebrations in the entire calender. Well, unless you count Administrative Professionals Day® that is (April 25th this year if you had forgotten).

While I'm here, I have an opportunity to share a couple of photos from a recent trip to London. I took my wife to see Chicago in the West End for her birthday recently. I actually hate musicals, but we had a good time (and the female lead was pretty hot!!) and the weather was great which always helps!

Jammy Bastard

2007-03-24T17:02:00.000Z

I thought it was about time I posted on my trip to Spain (ok, I know a little late, but my other website has been very busy). Perhaps the greatest highlight was a trip to Donana Park (a World Heritage Site) near Seville.

The trip came about because some friends of the in-laws own a company producing olive oil (so we get loads for free which is very useful!!) and just so happen to know the director of the park. They very kindly arranged for us to have a VIP trip around the park with the director for free. However, we were told that if any politicians wanted to visit the park, he would be unable to guide us around the park and the whole trip would be cancelled. Luckily, no-one else did ask to visit, so we got out exclusive tour. Apparently, he normally takes world leaders on the tour he gave us, including Blair and Aznar, so we were incredibly fortunate to see parts of the park that the public don't normally see.

Sadly, I was feeling like utter shit on the day as I was suffering from chronic hayfever (bloody great timing) and I kept falling asleep in the back of the jeep (I know, very embarrassing) as a result of the medication. There I am getting a very exclusive tour of one of Europe's most important parks, and I fall asleep!! Idiot!! Still, it was an amazing experience, right down to going inside the house that Blair stayed in when his family went on holiday with the Aznars in the park. Sadly, I didn't get a photo of the house, but I got plenty of the park itself.

Mental Badger Overload

2007-03-21T23:40:00.000Z

Right, on a scale of 1-10, how mental is this:

For an eternal loop, click here.

A Tale of Musical Taste.....

2007-03-18T20:35:00.000Z

Wow, what a weekend. I have broken my previous record for hits countless times over. According to my stat counter, I have had over 330 unique visitors since Saturday (229 on Saturday and 100 on Sunday - so far). The reason?? I seem to have upset one of the most popular bloggers in Australia, ooopps!! If you wanna find out more about the ongoing war between this particular David and Goliath, click here, here, here and here (in that order!).

ps apologies for the lack of comments on your blogs (and the story of my recent trips), I have been rather busy dealing with my inbox!!!

Disappear here......

2007-03-13T12:46:00.000Z

So, I was going to blog about this album a few days ago, and then Wes beat me to it. Despite an overwhelming sense to shout 'what's the point' and embark on some crazy spree of mindless vandalism, I have decided to blog on it anyway. That's just the kind of guy I am. So anyway, I guess I had better share my thoughts on this album with my fellow leaves.......

Now, I know that some of you will be shocked that I have an album by a band that doesn't have it's origins in the early nineties, but I like to surprise people every now and then (and the odd badger, but that's another story.....). I picked up Silent Alarm a little while back and I have to admit I kinda liked it, although I have to admit I preferred the remix version. They had a very Londonesque sound, and sounded a little different from the clones that dominate the music scene at the moment. When I saw that they had released a new album, I thought I would give it a try. It wasn't the kind of release that I would rush out and buy, but I would give it a little bit of my time. After all, man cannot survive on avocado alone, right?

So, what do I think? Well, although it hasn't blown me away, one track does stand out as being particularly good. Song for Clay is based on the work of one of the finest contemporary writers in the English language. As I guess that title might suggest, it refers to Clay from the superb novel Less Than Zero, by Bret Easton Ellis. The song plays on many of the same themes as Ellis' debut work, quoting several passages from the book, including:

"People are afraid to merge on the freeways,"

and

"disappear here."

Now, that might be a superficial reason for liking a song, but personally I love Ellis' work. American Psycho is, in my opinion, one of the finest works of fiction of the past twenty years. Yeah, it is pretty stomach churning, but see through the violence and you see a pretty savage attack on consumer culture. As an aside, the film is also very good as it does a great job of playing down the violence and playing up the black humour of the book. In short, any work that references Ellis gets my vote.

As for the rest of the album, there are some notable stand out songs like Hunting for Witches, The Prayer, Uniform, Where is Home? and Kreuzberg. All good songs, but nothing that is really ground breaking in my opinion. It does, however, have the distinction of being far superior to some of their peers on the UK music scene. However, it has managed to displace Incubus' Light Grenades at the moment, which is some achievement (that is a superb album, Incubus back on form after the dodgy A Crow Left....). Overall, a worthwhile purchase with songs that really grow on you over time.

All Those Yesterdays.....

2007-03-07T22:41:00.000Z

A selection of photos from Seville:

David Hicks

2007-03-06T22:16:00.000Z

Sorry for the lack of posts, been away in Spain for the past week, will give some detail later. In the meantime, the following clip was developed by Ten Percent and (in a very small way) myself. Watch it. Share it.

Is It Me, Or......

2007-03-05T22:13:00.000Z

Is a bit disturbing to buy a fish sandwich at the airport, only to discover that the best before date is 17th March?? How many chemicals must be pumped into the food to enable it to stay 'fresh' that long?????

Kurt

2007-02-20T12:58:00.000Z

Man, Kurt would have been 40 today. Wonder what he would be doing? I kinda like the idea he would be leading some reclusive life, painting and writing. I wonder what he would make of things today?

A truant finds home...and a wish to hold on to...But saw the trapdoor in the sun...

Which Pearl Jam Song Are You?

2007-02-18T20:13:00.000Z

take the which pearl jam song are you? quiz, a product of the pearljammers community.

One Become Two

2007-02-16T20:59:00.000Z

Just heard that Audioslave have split up. I know that they weren't the greatest thing going, but I really liked their last album, it was far better than their previous efforts. That said, they were never going to match the heights of either Soundgarden, or Audioslave. The comparisons were perhaps unfair, but they were certainly inevitable. Thankfully, the band members have got other irons in the fire.

Cornell is working on his second solo album which, if the Bond tune is anything to go by, is likely to be a top effort. Being a massive fan, I obviously checked out Euphoria Morning and, although it had some quality moments, it left me unfulfilled. I guess it was too soon after Soundgarden had split and those ugly comparisons reared their heads again. Unfair I know, but Soundgarden were an awesome band (although, dammit, I never got to see them live). So, I'm excited about the new release, but I'm trying to keep my expectations in check, I've been disappointed to often before.

The other good news is that RATM are re-forming for a one-off festival appearance. How we could have done with their brand of political activism over the past few years. Still, here's hoping that they reform and once more become the 'voice of the voiceless'. Maybe Audioslave splitting is no bad thing after all. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Kurt Vonnegut - Discovered at Last

2007-02-15T21:45:00.000Z

I have just finished reading Kurt Vonnegut's A Man Without A Country and what a fantastic read it was too. I have never read anything by Vonnegut before and, on the strength of this book, I wish I had picked up one of his much earlier. Essentially, the book is a brief look at the world from Vonnegut's perspective. His comments on the state of play in America are both amusing and insightful. My favourite extract is when he quotes Lincoln's attack on President Polk over the invasion of Mexico:

Trusting to escape scrutiny, by fixing the public gaze upon the exceeding brightness of military glory - that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood - that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy - he plunged into war.

Over the course of 150 years, only the names have changed. Anyway, I heartily recommend picking this one up at some point. It's a pretty quick read so it's handy if you don't have the time to plough through a more substantial book. It also manages to find humour in amongst the dregs of the modern world, no mean feat. So, if anyone could recommend anything else by Vonnegut, I would be most grateful

Romancing the Badger

2007-02-14T18:47:00.000Z

My Valentine's menu for this evening:

Lobster, Prawn, Scallop and Asparagus starter,
Peppercorn steaks and roasted vegetables,
Chocolate and marshmallow fondue,
Bottle of champagne, and
The Devil Wears Prada on DVD (which I am sure will be like having your teeth extracted).

Who says the romance dies when you get married eh??!! I feel like I have let down men everywhere who will go home tonight with just a bunch of flowers! In fact, most of the women I work with were complaining about how little they get from their partners this time of year. So I apologise in advance if you get any shit tonight. And I don't even believe in this Valentine's crap anyway! But, as I said before, if I didn't go through this I would be in the dog house. Oh, did I forget to mention the badger outfit??? The undisputed highlight of the evening!! In fact, I would forgo the other crap just to get straight to the badger business, if you know what I mean.

See, You Can Make A Difference

2007-02-14T15:15:00.000Z

Who says that political activism doesn't pay off? A few months back, this story was covered on one of the many left-wing sites I visit. Sadly, the national media didn't cover the story at all. Several of us wrote to organisations like the BBC demanding to know why they didn't cover the story. Many of us blogged about it and stated our disgust with the mainstream media. Anyway, the court case began on Monday and, thankfully, the media at least gave it some coverage (I did email the BBC last week to remind them of the court case). Which goes to show that bloggers and political activists can make a difference and can influence the mainstream media.

A Victim Of A Commercial Massacre

2007-02-13T14:20:00.000Z

It's that time of year again, when star crossed lovers revel in the commercial jamboree. I really resent Valentine's Day, more so now I'm older and wiser (ok, maybe not the latter). I look back now on a youth wasted chasing after unattainable women, hoping one would send me something, anything on Valentine's Day. Sadly, I never received a single card. Not one damn card. Not even a joke card from friends keen to toy with my emotions. Oh, I sent cards. I sent many cards, all to no avail. One time, my friends at uni persuaded me to write a card to someone with cryptic clues that they would then have to figure out to guess it was me. She never did (as far as I know). What an empty life I led. All that time wasted in the pursuit of the unattainable.

As I have gotten older, and my views on the world have developed, I see it as nothing more than n exercise to make money. Like Mother's and Father's Days, it is a superficial construct based on shallow emotions. However, this is where I have a problem (a problem shared by most men I suspect). If I had my way, I would shun this festival of shallowness and leave it for other people but I am in an impossible situation. If my wife and I were to agree to ignore the whole event, you can guarantee she would be upset if I didn't then buy her a card. And how much of a bastard would I look to the people she works with?? Or her family?? I would be bottom of the heap, heartless scum. I have got her to agree that when we have children, we will not enforce the whole Mother's/Father's Day routine on them. In fact, we will encourage them to ignore it. But as for ourselves, I guess we will keep sending each other stupid little cards and buying each other little presents in the hope of appearing vaguely romantic (which is very important when you get married). Anyway, I guess I better go wrap her present up in some tasteless, 'romantic' wrapping paper. And who knows, my wife may even dress up for me.........

And Now For Something Completely Different.....

2007-02-12T23:05:00.000Z

How the media lie. For more on this, visit Mask of Anarchy.

Jade Goody...

2007-02-09T23:16:00.000Z

Remeber what I said about the Jade Goody thing??? Well, here's the clip. Sums it up perfectly!

Six Weird Things

2007-02-06T22:12:00.000Z

So, I was tagged by aliemalie (cruel fiend). Here our six weird things about me:

1) Although I'm not vain, I really don't like people touching my hair. Seriously, touch my hair, I'll break every bone in your body. You have been warned.

2) I think this is weird (for a bloke I guess): I hold grudges. Oh yes, get on the wrong side of me and I'll blank you out.....FOREVER. I will barely acknowledge your existence. Even if you are covered in petrol and you are being taunted with a madman holding a match in his hands. Ok, maybe I would acknowledge then, but I would toss a coin first.

3) I talk all the time in my sleep. Usually amusing my wife the whole night long. This has, of course, caused some difficult situations like the time I blew a kiss to an imaginary woman and shouted 'Phwoaar!!'. Try explaining that one to your other half. Not easy.

4) I have an obsession with badgers. I put this down to where I live (there are lots of the sluts everywhere taunting me with their sexuality). Neath puts it down to mental instability. You decide.

5) I shake when I'm angry. I get so angry, I don't know what to do (I'm not a violent person), so my body decides to make me extra nervous and shaky. Not a good look when you are in a ruck!!

6) I have worn make-up on several occasions. Those damn badgers.............

So, now you all think I am a aggressive, badger loving, hateful, drag queen. Shit. I really should have given this more thought.

Note to Self - Stop Posting YouTube Clips.....

2007-02-02T21:40:00.001Z

And This............

2007-02-01T21:48:00.000Z

This Had To Be Shared......

2007-02-01T21:41:00.000Z

Reminiscing at work.........

And the News Is....

2007-01-29T21:22:00.000Z

After continual problems with the server (it went down!!), after 15 years of waiting, after previous heartache, after years of dedication, after boring everyone stupid with my sheer love and admiration for the greatest band on the planet..............

I'VE GOT TICKETS TO SEE PEARL JAM!!!!!!!!!!

And I ain't letting anything rain on this parade!! Better still, the gig is four days before my birthday!!! You hear me Eddie??? It's my friggin' birthday!!! I love you guys!!!

2007-01-26T12:48:00.000Z

Could it be? Is it really true??? Could I finally get to see the Greatest Band That Ever Existed^TM? It looks likely!! There I was, minding my own business, opening my mailbox and reading all the usual stuff I get, various activism notices and emails from lonely badgers, when something caught my eye.

PEARL JAM TO TOUR EUROPE!!

Yes, that's right, they are coming back. They have planned to do a one-off show at Wembley Arena in June (around my birthday - COOL!!). Even better, the website says:

At Wembley Arena in London, early entry will not be allowed. Therefore, we have reserved the entire floor for fan club only!!! Any tickets not sold during the fan club pre-sale will have to be released for public sale...So buy buy buy!!!

And I'm a fan club member! Surely the chances of the entire floor selling out to members is pretty small (does anyone know the capacity???).

Perhaps I shouldn't get too excited. I have been disappointed before. This time, however, I may finally get to see the band I love, admire and respect. In short, I might just have to change my pants. BRING IT ON!!!!!!!

Some Success.......

2007-01-22T20:51:00.000Z

Well, have had a pretty successful couple of days over at Mask. Firstly, I successfully managed to pressurise one right-wing commentator to change an article on their website (result!!). Then yesterday, I managed to force a right-wing politician to admit he had made a mistake (double trouble!!). Since revealing the latter, I have received over 110 unique visitors (quite possibly a record!). Ok, so it is not in the thousands that one would hope for, but it feels pretty satisfying to know that I have put one over on two well known righties in just a couple of days. At least something has gone right...........

That Jade Goody Thing......

2007-01-19T12:49:00.000Z

Heard the best ever comments about Jade Goody's racism on Mock the Week last night. It came from comedian Frankie Boyle:

'At the end of the day, we are all at fault for putting her where she is. I mean, if you took a monkey and trained it to be a butler, you shouldn't be surprised if when you get home the monkey hasn't done your ironing for you, but has thrown shit all over your walls. It's a fucking monkey.'

Couldn't have put it better myself!!

The Passage Of Time........

2007-01-17T18:48:00.000Z

Isn't it weird how some things make you aware of the passing of time?? Which, when you are in your 30s, is not a good thing!! Allow me to explain.

Last night I was talking to a guy I know who just so happens to know someone from my past. Many, many years ago, I was friends with a girl (CW) at nursery school. She was my first proper friend and I guess, on a certain level, we were like boyfriend and girlfriend. We went off to different primary schools and I didn't see her again for several years. One day, in my second year of secondary school, some girl came up to me in the playground and asked me to confirm my name. Being 12 I was really rather scared of talking to girls, so I just confirmed my name and walked off red faced. Of course, later on I realised who she was and so the first love of my life was confirmed.

CW was without doubt the most beautiful girl in my school (and we had a large school of 1,500 pupils). For the next five years I couldn't think of anyone else, and yet I was too shy to say anything. It was so weird because, even though we weren't an item, our names were linked forever in the minds of people at school. You couldn't say her name without mentioning mine. Anyway, I saw her have a succession of boyfriends and each time wished that I was in their shoes. Sadly, it wasn't meant to be.

Towards the end of my school days, we did actually re-develop our friendship at the end of year prom. One of my friends told her that I was just a bit shy and I wished I was still friends with her (I really was a dork at 18). She felt the same and, later that night, we shared a dance. It seems so silly now, but that dance meant everything to me. Here I was dancing with the most beautiful girl in the school, how cool!! We kept in touch when I was at university, writing regularly and every now and then she would send me little presents in the post. Things were cool and I was glad that I had the friendship back with a person I had known longer than anyone else.

We lost touch after a while, but then got back in touch through Friends Reunited. We exchanged emails for a while and then lost touch again. I always describe our relationship as a little like Forrest Gump and Jenny. Our paths would forever cross but, for some reason, destiny deemed that we were not to be together. I always thought it would be really romantic if eventually we did get together - the perfect romance with my childhood sweetheart (if that is possible at that age!!).

Anyway, the reason for this ramble is because this guy went to her 30th birthday and told me she is now married and pregnant. It's weird. Even though I am married and happy, it feels like a chapter has closed. To me she will always be that beautiful girl that I had a very special friendship with. I never visualised her reaching 30 and being pregnant. I guess that sounds odd. Does this make any sense?? All those days spent lusting after her seem so long ago now. Like I said at the top, isn't it weird how certain things make you aware of the passage of time?

Step Away From the Badger

2007-01-09T22:55:00.000Z

Yeah, I know what you are thinking......you wanna piece of that badger dontcha? Well, she's mine, mine I tell ya!! Anyway...........

The poll for Most Significant Event of 2006 (in the sidebar) will be closing this week-end. If you haven't voted yet, please do so!!!

Right, back to that badger..................

If You Want Something Done......

2007-01-07T11:05:00.000Z

Especially for Neath. Let this image taunt you for all your days!!

Oh, The Guilt

2007-01-06T23:15:00.000Z

Now, you guys who know me from my more political site will know that I have no time for advertising. However, sometimes there comes a time where you have to say that something needs bigging up.

Some time ago, after many arguments with the wife, we started to swap our household cleaning to Ecover. Although it meant slightly more expense, it was an environmental decision. They produce natural cleaning products that are fully recyclable and are kind to the environment. So far, we have changed to their washing-up liquid, floor soap and washing tablets. It kinda eases the guilt of the destruction of the environment.

Anyway the only reason I mention this is due to this post I read at another website. At first I was slightly concerned as I felt that they were going to be exposed as yet another corporate lie. Luckily, it turned out not to be the case. It turns out there there was some misleading information on one of their products. Not only did they promise to change the labeling, they also sent the complainant an email with the new label design! I was so impressed that they responded in such a way. Most corporations would fob the complainant off with some bullshit, but no, they actually went out of their way to solve the problem. Cue relief on my part.

I guess I am acting as some kind of PR for Ecover but, in a world of corporations who couldn't give a shit, I think they deserve a mention. Also, as far as I can tell, their efforts at PR are pretty poor. They are not exactly a renowned brand as yet (perhaps unsurprising given the dominance of certain players in the industry). As far as I am concerned, if you are worried about the environment, you should start switching to Ecover as soon as possible. If you really do care, ditch Fairy Liquid and buy Ecover. If not, continue to screw the environment by buying products riddled with harmful chemicals.

How can something so right be so wrong?

2007-01-05T23:12:00.000Z

Yes, while Neath continues to fantasise about Willow, I have memories of another obsession. Yes, I confess, I had a crush on Kimber from the Jem cartoon series. Only now do I feel I can come clean. This dirty secret has been hidden for too long. I just couldn't take it anymore. Now my secret is out, I feel I can continue with my life and put this chapter behind me once and for all.

More Photos From Seville......

2007-01-04T19:33:00.000Z

La Plaza Nueva

2007-01-03T20:38:00.000Z

A random mythical head in the Plaza Nueva. (More photos to come on my return!!)

So Goodbye 2006, Hello 2007!

2007-01-02T17:10:00.000Z

I stole the following from Wes, hope he doesn't mind!!

1. What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before? Dressed up as various characters and went to Northern Europe.
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? No I didn't and no I won't.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My cousin a month or so back.
4. Did anyone close to you die? No.
5. What countries did you visit? This year I visited Denmark and, very briefly, Sweden. Highly recommended, if you have pots of cash!
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? A better understanding of Spanish.
7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 22nd June, for personal reasons (sorry, too personal to share).
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Two things I guess. Being accepted for an MSc Econ and having a couple of extracts from 'the other blog' printed in The Guardian.
9. What was your biggest failure? Another year passes by and still no great novel lurks in the dark recesses of my mind.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No.
11. What was the best thing you bought? My new mobile that sends photos direct to my blog, and plays music, and plays videos - cool.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? Hugo Chavez, for that speech at the UN.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Anthony Charles Lynton Blair.
14. Where did most of your money go? Mortgage, beer, food, DVDs & CDs. In that order.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? The release of the new Pearl Jam album - well worth the wait.
16. What song will always remind you of 2006? Probably Map of the Problematique by Muse. No particular reason.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder? Happier b) thinner or fatter? Fatter, sadly c) richer or poorer? Richer
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Writing poems or working on a novel. Something I haven't done for sometime now.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Perhaps slightly less blogging. Sometimes I think I do too much.
20. How will you be spending Christmas? At home with the wife.
21. Did you fall in love in 2006? Errr, unless you count still being in love with my wife!
22. How many one-night stands? None.
23. What was your favorite TV program? The State Within, Have I Got News For You, The Mighty Boosh, That Mitchell and Webb Look and the totally superb Time Trumpet.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Still hate the same people I have always hated.
25. What was the best book you read? Noam Chomsky's Failed States, as advertised by Hugo Chavez.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery? A toss up between Massive Attack and Millionaire.
27. What did you want and get? A portable DVD player.
28. What did you want and not get? The moon on a stick.
29. What was your favorite film of this year? Hidden, Primer, Börat
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? It was my 30th and I went out with a few friends to a Morrocan restaurant.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Getting to see Pearl Jam
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? Disinterested.
33. What kept you sane? The blog I guess, although on reading it I guess it is hard to tell.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? My beloved Jennifer Aniston, much to my wife's annoyance!
35. What political issue stirred you the most? The Israeli war against Lebanon made me realise that I had to change my blog. Otherwise, almost every political event of 2006 made me angry, apart from the victories of Ortega and Chavez.
36. Who did you miss? No-one.
37. Who was the best new person you met? In reality - no-one really. In the alternative reality of the internet - several people.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006: Let people make their own mistakes.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: 'Life's a match in a gas tank/Don't ever mourn the ebbing tide/Just dance on fire and enjoy the ride' From Pendulous Thread by Incubus.

¡Feliz Año Nuevo!

2007-01-01T13:13:00.000Z

Man these Spaniards are crazy!!! We arrived in Spain yesterday morning, welcomed by warm, bright sunshine (in stark contrast to cold, wet England). Normally, we just spend New Year with the in-laws, but this year was going to be different, we were going out to party as well. That sounds like fun, but then spending a night with people I can barely understand and who, when hearing my attempts at Spanish, just laugh in my face is not exactly my idea of 'fun'.

Anyway, the festivities began at around 9pm. I say festivities, it was a good four hours of solid eating!! Spain is definitely the place to see in the New Year with chronic indigestion!! And to make matters worse, at 12am, as each bell tolls for the New Year, you have to speed eat twelve grapes!! Then you have the indignity of having to wish a happy new year, whilst with a mouth full of grapes. It doesn't go down well when you accidently spit a half-chewed grape onto your mother-in-laws face (although, in some households, it might be welcomed!).

After the eating marathon, it started to dawn on me, weren't we going out tonight as well?? Yes, we were, at 1.30am. The time when most English people are staggering home. Yes, when most English people will be finding an appealing looking bush to piss in, I will be going out stone, cold sober!! And we did. We arrived at some random person's house and proceeded to 'party'. Or rather, I decided to stand in the corner and pretend to look interested as the Spaniards gabbled away in a volume that could best be described as 'ear splitting'. If you have never experienced a room full of Spaniards, try to avoid it, it is very, very loud!! The shocking thing about this party was that, despite the fact it was a party, there was no beer!! Particularly tragic given that normally I have to drive everywhere and now, when I can be totally irresponsible, I was being taunted by a bottle of coke. There were spirits everywhere (not ghosts, the drinks!), but the only spirit I can stomach is Uncle Jack's finest. This was to be a long night!!

Luckily, I got talking to my wife's best friend's boyfriend (who I had thought was deeply dull) who actually proved to be rather entertaining. It was rather weird listening to this Spanish man, who dresses very conservatively with v-neck sweaters etc, start peppering his English with a plethora of swear words! Suddenly, everything has changed! I then discovered he was a big Audioslave fan, as well as most of the other bands I liked - salvation at last. In fact, most of the room nodded with approval when they discovered I was a big Radiohead fan. Aaaahhh, the warm glow of acceptance.

Sadly, I didn't get to practice my Spanish much. By the time we got home, it was around 5.30am and I had been awake for 25 hours!!! Can you imagine anyone being bothered to speak another language when their brain is screaming at them to go to sleep?? Well, I couldn't! That's for today, after I have recovered from my severe bout of New Year indigestion!!

So, what's the point of this post? I guess there is no point, but I feel better for sharing it, so boo sucks to you!! I guess all that is left for me to say is:

¡Feliz Año Nuevo!

Hope you all have a great 2007!!

Here's to 2007

2006-12-29T20:16:00.000Z

Well, I might not be able to post much between now and the New Year so can I just wish everyone a Happy New Year!!! I am off to Spain on Sunday to enjoy the festivities and get as drunk as you can when you are staying with the in-laws!! No doubt I will post at some point while I am out there, probably when everyone else is having siesta time!! Anyway, have a jolly good New Year, drink lots and do whatever it is you do!!!

Hasta pronto mis amigos!!!

There goes another christmas...

2006-12-28T20:26:00.000Z

Hope you all had a great christmas!

Significant Events

2006-12-21T21:37:00.000Z

I currently have a poll running on my other site regarding the most significant events of the past twelve months. Please take the time to vote in the poll (it's in the sidebar), I will be interested to see what people vote for.

Fountains Of Vomit and Suicidal Carols

2006-12-20T23:11:00.000Z

So Christmas is nearly here. Whoopeee! I used to love Christmas. So much so I used to be violently ill on Christmas Day, projectile vomiting and everything. Hey, we were poor and we had to make up for a lack of any decorations. I would find it hard to open any presents because I was shaking with excitement (now I shake due to alcohol poisoning!). Now I kinda have a rather blase attitude to the whole thing. Guess it's age and my ever developing grouchiness with life in general.

One thing I cannot abide, are Christmas songs. Any Christmas songs. Carols, pop songs, novelty records. All total shite. I doubt man could have devised a greater method of torture than making people trudge round depressing high streets whilst this kind of bilge is blasted out of every shop front. I once worked in a shop that played Christmas songs all day every day, for a MONTH. Suicide was becoming a very real possibility. Thank Christ (oh, little bit of blasphemy there) I don't work in such a place now. After all, I have a wife to think about. I don't won't her hearing that her husband has killed himself in some horrible Christmas Carol type mishap. That would really put a dampener on things.

So, ban all Christmas songs....NOW!!! They suck. And while we are at it, let's reclaim Santa from Coca Cola and make him green again! I'm gonna ran a campaign for next Christmas to reclaim Santa from the corporate whores. Oooops, wrong blog.

Of Crack Dens and Towering Sexuality

2006-12-20T23:08:00.000Z

Today I have been mainly spending my day at a den of vice. Pure immorality. Nothing but sex, drugs and violence dominate this filthy little hole. Maybe one day I will return. One day.....

Thought For The Day

2006-12-19T22:33:00.000Z

Don't leave it three years before you clean your oven!

Winter Days

2006-12-19T17:36:00.000Z

Yes, while Wes has snow (proper winter weather) to contend with we just have murky, horrible winter days to contend with. Days like this are so damn depressing, no wonder we are such a pessimistic nation, look at the weather we have to put up with!! At this rate, we won't have a white Christmas, we'll have a grey Christmas. How depressing.

Tedious Chores

2006-12-18T23:29:00.000Z

Tomorrow is 'Wrapping Christmas Presents Day'. Whooop, and indeed, whooop.

New Address

2006-12-18T20:12:00.000Z

Got bored, changed my address!! Oh yeah, and my title. Nothing to do with Wes' changes. Honest guv'.

I Have A Dream, errr...........

2006-12-18T18:57:00.000Z

I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt George W Bush was forced to train in an army camp. Everyone was laughing at the pathetic fool. What makes it even worse was the fact he was in a t-shirt and shorts. And he was all sweaty and stuff. Does that mean that there is something wrong with me?

New Look Blogs

2006-12-18T18:55:00.000Z

There must be a thing about new look blogs at the moment. Aliemalie changed hers, and just when I decided to spend all week-end updating mine, Wes changes his!! Change your blog's look, it's the latest fashion!!!

Soundgarden - Superunknown

2006-12-18T18:44:00.000Z

Yeah, I know, I have been very lazy posting over here recently! I have been working really hard on developing my other blog, so many apologies for the neglect. Apologies out of the way, no let's move on to the matter in hand!!

The latest in my (occasional) series of the essential albums of the early 90s is the phenomenal Superunknown. This is, in my opinion, the greatest album of the period, if not the genre. It has very few weak tracks on the album, an outstanding achievement given that it contains 15 songs (16 if you include She Likes Surprises) and runs to over 70 minutes! Many of the singles released from this album have become classics in their own right. Few could argue with the quality of songs such as Spoonman, Black Hole Sun, Fell on Black Days, The Day I Tried to Live and Superunknown. It is very difficult, however, to choose any tracks that standout above the rest, the quality is so high. Not only is the quality high, there is a distinct variation in the styles. You have the Eastern influence of songs like Half, the psychedelia of Head Down and the dirty grunge of 4th July.

One of my early favourites was Spoonman. I always always intrigued to know why the title was credited to Jeff Ament of Pearl Jam. I since discovered that Ament wrote a list of possible song titles during the filming for Singles and Cornell took it upon himself to write a song with one of those titles, and so Spoonman was born!! I loved that song when I first heard it. The use of the spoons was so unexpected and yet so skillfully done. I mean, who would have thought playing the spoons would sound so cool on a rock song??? Not me, but then Artis the Spoonman is a damn fine player.

While doing a bit of background research, I found something interesting about one of my favourite tracks, Like Suicide. The following is from Wikipedia:

"Like Suicide," the last track off of Soundgarden's Superunknown was inspired when Chris Cornell was in his basement trying to write songs. He heard a 'thump' that came from the ground floor. When he opened the front door to investigate he saw a bird had flown into the door and had nearly killed itself. He subsequently put the bird out of its misery. The lyrics are almost literally what happened.

Heard it from another room/ Eyes were waking up just to fall asleep/ Love's like suicide/ Dazed out in a garden bed/ With a broken neck lays my broken gift/ just like suicide/ / And my last ditch/ Was my last brick/ Lent to finish her/ Finish her

The song goes on but this is the primary part that pertains to the bird.

Cool eh? One of my favourite Soundgarden songs is about a bird that had flown into a door. I guess that goes to show what an imaginative writer Cornell really is!

If you want to buy the album that defined the early nineties Seattle scene, this is the one!! It is one of the very few albums that I can listen to from beginning to end without pressing skip once. No self-respecting fan of 'alternative rock' can afford to be without it. End of.

Stand-out tracks: Every single damn one of them!!

Black Hole Sun:

You Decide......

2006-12-17T21:20:00.000Z

Ok, I have indulged in some cosmetic changes to my other blog. I really like it (although it is not as impressive as aliemalie's, but then we can't all be as cool!!), but I want you to let me know what you think. Answer the poll below, and I will consider your answers thoroughly. Any other comments, please use the comments box. Thanks guys!!

Art of Solitude

2006-12-06T23:56:00.000Z

I guess this sounds strange coming from a blogger, but why don't people believe in solitude anymore? It has always bugged me, this depressing need to be around people all the time, to have them comfort you and massage your ego. What is wrong with just saying 'I want some time alone'? I guess the art of solitude died when the age of communication began. Now we feel that we can be with people all the time, via the internet/mobile phone/whatever.

It took me an age to eventually buy a mobile phone. I thought of them as a metaphorical umbilical cord. I felt that people were using them as if to say: 'Yes, I have friends. I know people. I feel safe.' By talking on the phone all the time, they were making up for their own insecurities. It is a very public way to demonstrate that you are actually a very popular, interesting person. See how interesting I am, people want to talk to me all day long.

I can also never understand why people feel they need to be around each other all the time. Whether it be partners/friends/family, what is wrong with just taking some time out for yourself? Time to read. Time to think. Time to do something creative. Why do we need to feel wanted all the time? Is it something about our insecurity? Who knows. The stupid thing is, I am writing this hoping that someone will read it and ease my insecurities. See, I am a failed sad loner.

Photos From London

2006-12-06T23:18:00.000Z

Skin and Bones

2006-12-02T14:03:00.000Z

I have just recently received my copy of the new Foo Fighters DVD and CD, Skin and Bones, and I have been listening to it non-stop. I was lucky enough to see them tour last year in support of In Your Honour, but I had mixed feelings after the event. Allow me to explain.

I have been a fan of them since day 1, and I loved Colour and the Shape. However, just recently I have found a lot of their stuff to be a bit repetitive. It just seems like they are trying to produce the best head banging riff, instead of concentrating on the actual substance of the songs. This has, however, seen them explode in popularity and now everyone seems to be a fan. I guess this is what pisses me off more than anything else. I guess that is one of the cool things about Pearl Jam. I mean, I know they are big in a lot of other places, but over here they have never really been massive. It kind of makes them my band and, although a part of me wants them to be huge, I like the fact that they are my secret.

I first got to se the Foos back in 1997. Back then they were a popular rock band, but they were still relatively small. I guess this was exemplified by the venue I saw them at. It was 26th May 1997 and we saw them at the Southampton Guildhall. This was around the time The Colour... was released and they played mainly small venues. The Guildhall only holds about 1,000 people, so you can imagine what it was like. Even at the back, you felt like you could reach out and touch the band. It was awesome and, along with Radiohead's Kid A gig in London, it was a highlight in my gig-going past. I remember being three rows back and seeing Dave close up and realising that just a matter of inches away from me was the drummer from Nirvana (who I sadly never got to see) and lead singer of a band that were likely to become massive. It was a very cool moment, and I am proud to see that I really was there before they became huge.

Then came the Earls Court gig. Well, on this occassion, there must have been around 20,000 people there at least, so it was a very different experience. Unfortunately we had seats right at the back (bummer) so we did't really get the full experience. But the crowd was such a difference. At Southampton there were some real hard-core rockers, punks and grungers (like myself!), the full alternative experience. At Earls Court, there was a more mainstream crowd. The kind that would go to a Westlife gig if they could get tickets. How disheartening. They seemed to have lost their alternative roots and become an ordinary rock band. I could have cried. Then comes the DVD......

The DVD contains there gig at Hyde Park (which I missed out on). This time there was 85,000 people there. I suppose a part of me is happy that they have done so well, but another part longs for the days where I was one of just a thousand people crammed into a tiny venue. I guess those days will never return. Damn. Thankfully, the acoustic set makes up for this. Some of the songs sound so well crafted that you cannot deny that the guy has immense talent. There are even songs that I ignored on their last album that I have grown to love on this one (Over and Out being one). Although, I do wish they would play the original Everlong (what an amazing song - their best). I guess I should just hold onto my happy memories of seeing them in the early days, but it is hard to think that I will never again experience such an intimate gig.

My Harassment Hell - Part II

2006-11-23T13:56:00.000Z

So, I did say I was going to share more of my horrendous nightmare and, for your pleasure, here it is. If you remember from my earlier post, I had been sent to a different store to do my training. I hadn't been working there long before I had members of staff coming to visit me and telling me about what was going on in my absence. It turns out, that my manager had turned around in front of my staff and said that the woman who was temporarily replacing me was a 'breath of fresh air'. To my staff. The bastard. So, of course, lots of rumours went around that I wouldn't be going back, although nothing was said to me.

During the course of the next six months, I only ever saw/heard from my manager once, and that was in the first few weeks. For ages afterwards, he never once got in touch to see how many training was going or to talk to me about my return date. Of course, towards the end of this six month period, I suspected that he was attempting to manoeuvre me out of my position (something he was well known for in other stores). With that in mind I braced myself for the inevitable.

At the end of the six month period, my Area Manager came down to see me. He was very close with my manager and thought the sun shone out of his arse. I was rather taken aback that he had come to see me and I wasn't quite sure what this was about, but I had my suspicions. Unfortunately, they turned out to be true. My AM told me that he thought it might be best if I stayed in the store I was then working in, and drop down to a sales assistant. You can imagine my reaction to this. I had developed a very good reputation amongst many store managers over the years and I was a little surprised to learn that suddenly there was an issue with my performance. I told my AM that it would not be acceptable for me to do that, particularly given my qualifications. I mean, I was 28 at this point, stepping down would be career suicide for a graduate. Why the hell should I step down just because my manager wants to get rid of me??

So I awaited the day of my return with a very real sense of dread. I knew that getting rid of me was part of my manager's grand scheme, how would he react when he discovers his plan has failed? Not only did I decide to go back to my job, I also decided I would seek employment elsewhere. I felt like this was a good way to get back at him. He tried to force me to leave on his terms, but I was intending to leave on my terms. First, I would screw up his little plan by returning, then I would hand in my notice and teach him a lesson for trying to manipulate me. Little did I know that the next five months were going to be a living hell. A hell I thought I would never escape.

So You Like Seinfeld?

2006-11-21T10:34:00.000Z

Then I suspect you are as shocked as I am by this tirade from Michael Richards (who played Kramer in the series).

scum

Gomez - How We Operate

2006-11-19T00:35:00.000Z

After the weirdness, time for some light relief via a band that are very much underrated:

What the F@$k????

2006-11-18T01:13:00.000Z

We were out having a few beers, when the conversation turned to what we would take to the past with us if we had a time machine. B suggests a dictionary, believing that that would be the best thing by far. I cannot get my head around the idea that a dictionary would be the best thing to take back. According to him, having a dictionary with the word 'radio' in would give you the imagination to make one. This is where we come in......

B: AT THE BEGINNING OF TIME THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY IMAGINATION DID THEY? I MEAN YOU CAN'T SEE FURTHER THAN YOU ACTUALLY CAN, CAN YOU? IF SOMEONE SAID BICYCLE. THEY WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. IF YOU SAID WHEEL THEY WOULD SAY WHAT THE F@&K IS THAT? A WHEEL IS A BLOODY ROUND THING.

N: YOU COULD LOOK UP WHEEL...

B: YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT A WHEEL IS....

N: BUT WHAT USE IS THAT TO YOU?

B: WELL, IT WOULD BE F@$KING EXCELLENT FOR PEOPLE WITH TRANSPORT WOULDN'T IT?

N&K: [LAUGHING]

B: YOU'D KILL HIM WOULDN'T YOU?

N: WHO?

B: ADAM. I MEAN WE LIVE THREE SCORE AND TEN NOW DON'T WE? WE BELIEVE THAT YEAH? BACK IN ADAM'S TIME THEY LIVED FOR 500 YEARS, EVEN A THOUSAND. ABRAHAM LIVED 'TIL HE WAS A THOUSAND.

N: DID HE?

B: YEAH. IN THE BIBLE. SO I'LL LIVE A THOUSAND YEARS OLD AND MAKE ALL THAT MONEY.

N: OFF WHO?

B: WHO I, WHO I CHOOSE TO AT THE END OF THE DAY.

If you can understand this, well done!!

I'm Buried Up to My Neck in Contradictionary Flies

2006-11-14T12:34:00.000Z

For the past few weeks now, I have been reading Heavier than Heaven a biography of Kurt Cobain by Richard Cross. I was a massive Nirvana fan in my youth. In fact, it was Nirvana that got me into the whole grunge scene in the first place. If it wasn't for Nirvana I would never have discovered Pearl Jam, Soundgarden etc. I have all of their albums and both of their major boxsets (the only albums I haven't bought are Greatest Hits and Sliver - Best of the Box - mainly because I feel they contradict everything he stood for). I know it sounds a bit pathetic, but if it wasn't for Kurt I wouldn't have become the man I am today. He didn't directly influence my political thought as such, but he got me to open my eyes more to the world around me. Got me to think about questioning the world around me and questioning the whole notion of fitting in with the majority. For this I owe a great debt.

I don't very often talk about my love of Nirvana and Kurt on this blog, I do tend to focus on Pearl Jam, but I will never forget the inspiration provided by the music and his life. I always remember thinking that he was such a complex character, full of contradictions. I empathised with his anti-corporate side as well as his individuality. And yet, he pestered MTV to play his videos and craved to be accepted by people. I also empathised with his sensitive side. I always remember seeing a drawing he did once of some jock with a moustache and a beer in his hand, with his pregnant partner. As he made lots of jock-type comments about what a strong son he was going to have, a foot burst out of the womb and into the side of his face. A graphic image, but the point was not lost on me.

Despite my admiration for Kurt, I do look back with a mixture of sadness and anger. It saddens me greatly that he felt so desperate that he had to take his own life. It saddens me that he felt like he was alone. Even now, sometimes I feel like I could have helped him in some way, like he helped me. It saddens me that his daughter will never know her father. It also saddens me that I will never hear about a new album by Kurt, but this seems so unimportant in retrospect. I will never have that rush of excitement when they have a new release. But I also feel anger, particularly after reading this book. I feel anger that he could let himself be dragged into a world of drug abuse that destroyed him. How could he have allowed this to happen? How could he be so pathetic? How could he do this to himself? Why? Of course, I know the answers to these questions. Despite everything, he was human. He had troubles, he had faults, he was not perfect. Every hero has a flaw, every hero lets someone down somewhere, sometime. No-one is perfect. No-one is pure. These are the last lessons his life has taught me. Sometimes, these things are easy to forget.

Stone Temple Pilots - Purple

2006-11-12T16:45:00.000Z

Now my sister-in-law has gone back to Spain, I can carry on from where I left off with my (occasional) look at the best alternative albums of the early 90s. Today it's STP's second and in my opinion, best album. I know that some real STP fans out there might be reading this, so I'll have to be careful with this one!! I'll begin with an admission: I am rather ambivalent about STP. I didn't have a lot of time for Core when it came out. Mainly because, at the time of it's release, there was a sudden rush of grunge imitators. Every major label signed up any band who sounded like they hail from Seattle. And unfortunately for STP, they were rather caught up in the crossfire. Many grungers considered them to be rip-off merchants, riding on the crest of the wave of the Seattle scene. Of course, this was a little unfair. They were plying their trade well before Nirvana broke through. Despite this, for me, they remained a imitators rather than innovators.

Despite this, I took the plunge and bought Purple because I had heard a lot of good things about it. It didn't disappoint. This release saw them start to develop their own sound and their own place in the alternative scene. There are some real cracking songs on this album including; Lounge Fly, Interstate Love Song, Vasoline and Big Empty. Lounge Fly really stood out for me when I first heard this album. I loved the riff to this song and I was always intrigued by the fact that they got someone else in to do the end guitar solo. I could never quite work out why. In fact, it was only while doing a bit of swotting up for this post that I discovered that the guitarist was in the Butthole Surfers.

Interstate Love Song was a bit of a major hit when it was released (it stayed at #1 for 15 weeks in the US). It has a kinda country feel to the opening of the song, before breaking into a passionate song about (according to Weiland anyway) Weiland lying to a girlfriend about staying clean while on the road (which would explain the video - see below). Although a short song, it is perhaps the stand-out song on the album.

After a couple of weaker tracks, Silver Gun Superman kicks in with it's heavy guitar riff. I love the guitar riff on this song. It's the kind of riff that you prance around imitating whenever you hear it, well I do anyway. After the song crashes to an end, you can hear the sound of someone (presumably Weiland) laughing and saying 'Oh God'. I like little touches like this on an album. It makes it feel like the album is recorded live in one hit, rather than a perfect rounded edges type effort that sounds too clinical.

Big Empty is another one of my favourite songs. It opens with a gentle guitar riff and soft drumbeat before exploding into life with a passionate chorus. I always kinda thought that it goes well with Interstate..., another song about difficulties in relationships. However, according to Weiland, the song is simply about 'f@$kin' in the back of a car'. Mmmm, somehow that cheapens it somewhat.

Following Big Empty are Unglued and Army Ants, both of which are straight out rockers. Army of Ants has always resonated with me as it plays with the same themes that many other grunge artists reflected on (the expression of your own individuality). For example, the lines:

Fall in those single file lines

Like army ants

Yeah, fall on into those single file lines

And complete the plan.

I love those lines, mainly because I have never been one to fall into line with others (much to most people's annoyance).

The album closes with Kitchenware & Candybars with it's delicate verses and passionate chorus it is a particularly good album closer, perhaps one of the finest of the genre. Of course, you get the obligatory 'hidden track' (it wouldn't be an early nineties grunge album without it!!). However, in this case it is more a throw away than most 'hidden tracks'. Sung by a Richard Peterson, it is a Johnny Mathis imitation called 'My Second Album' that is funny the first time you hear it, but after that you resolve to never listen to it again!!

I kinda checked out of STP after their follow-up album (the much underrated Tiny Music...), mainly due to the ongoing drug problems of Weiland and the perpetual cycle of splitting and reforming throughout the nineties. As for his new band, Velvet Revolver, they are pretty weak compared to the heights he reached with the other members of STP. I always feel that STP had the opportunity to be a truly great rock band and, although they fell short overall, this album certainly hints at the greatness they could have achieved had Weiland not succumbed to his demons quite so regularly.

Video for Interstate Love Song

The Coolest Thing This Year

2006-11-10T19:19:00.000Z

Surely this must be the coolest thing of the year. A James Bond theme tune sung by Chris Cornell. Pinch me, this must be a dream. How can this be??? One of the Gods of the Grunge scene, singing the Bond theme.....words can't describe how cool this is.

This man is a legend...all hail Chris Cornell!!!!

Bye Bye Rummy.....

2006-11-10T19:14:00.000Z

Spotted this and it made me laugh, so I'm sharing it with you....ok??

Oh My Word

2006-11-10T13:10:00.000Z

I nearly had an accident in my pants when I read this story, I had to share it........

'A man suffered internal burns when he tried to launch a rocket from his bottom on Bonfire Night.'

FANTASTIC!! What a wonderful idea!! How cool would that have looked if a man fired a firework out of his arse??!! However, it does have its downside. According to the BBC he 'suffered a scorched colon and is now recovering in hospital, where his condition is described as stable.' A spokesman for the Fireworks Association apparently said:

"This incident is very concerning but hopefully an isolated one."

Maybe next year will see the first arse firing fireworks display. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that one!!!

Spiderman

2006-11-08T15:23:00.000Z

I've Waited a Long Time For This........

2006-11-07T09:34:00.000Z

So indulge me just this once............

Shit, Did I Say That?

2006-11-07T08:59:00.000Z

I have a rather worrying habit. For years now I have spoken in my sleep, sometimes so loud that it has even woken me up. Of course, when I was single this wasn't too much of problem however, now I am married it is slightly more worrying. This worry was partially realised when I woke up this morning to discover, via my wife, the following:

I said: "You look sexy in that t-shirt"
"Phwoarrrrr!" and, most worryingly (although, just saying Phwoarrrr is deeply concerning)
I rose up from bed and blew a kiss.

Bugger is, I can't even remember what it was I was dreaming about!! Looks like I might have to buy some flowers this evening!!

A Lazy Post for a Lazy Day

2006-11-02T10:49:00.000Z

In lieu of my trip yesterday (some of the photos were in real time, by the way!!), I thought I'd see what places I have actually been to. Quite a decent junk of Europe but nothing else. Maybe I need to broaden my horizons a bit!!

create your own visited countries map

Tower Bridge

2006-11-01T18:02:00.000Z

The Tower

2006-11-01T15:46:00.000Z

Oh Bum

2006-11-01T14:39:00.000Z

South Bank

2006-11-01T11:55:00.000Z

Discovering My Second Life

2006-10-31T08:23:00.000Z

Last night was weird. Over the past couple of weeks I have read a lot about Second Life and I have been intrigued to find out a bit more about it. Well, last night I gave it a go and it's weird. I don't know how many of you have actually heard about it/seen it/signed up for it, but allow me to explain (as best I can).

Essentially, Second Life is exactly what it says it is - another life. Upon signing up for the programme, you have to pick a name for your avatar and put in some basic information about yourself. At this point you have the option to join the free service or the premium service. As I was only seeking to understand how this works, I only signed up for the free service. As far as I can tell, if you sign up for the premium service, you can buy property and make money that can then be converted into real money (as far as I understand). Once you have signed in and chosen a name you enter a 'training' area where you learn how the whole thing works. For example, you learn how to change the appearance of your avatar in the finest detail. You can modify hair, body, clothes, even the length of your eyelashes and the shape of your eyebrows. Once this is done and you get to grips with how to control the character, you're away into the virtual world and free to explore what Second Life has to offer.

Once I got past the 'training' I was unleashed upon the world, free to do whatever I wanted - the freedom! So what did I do??? I wondered around aimlessly and spoke to some rather unusual characters. The first of these was a guy with the name of Dwarfbox (or something like that). Now I guess you would suspect that the first thing that struck me was his unusual name, well you would be wrong. What first brought him to my attention was the chicken on his shoulder. Yes, you did read that right - a chicken. There he was, confidently strutting around (would you carry a chicken if you lacked confidence?? I guess not), with a chicken perched on his shoulder. Why?? Why the urge to walk around in an alternative reality with a chicken as a companion?? This place is clearly weird.

After talking to the chicken-man, I bumped into someone else who was almost as weird. This guy was walking around with an afro for a head. No eyes, nose or mouth, just one great big fuzzy afro. Barely had we got passed the hellos, than he was asking me what I have got and if I have any money. Bit forward I thought, especially for a man who has an afro for a head. I said no, I was new. He replied 'Try this'. Next thing you know, I have acquired something called 'Red Dragon'. Is this some kind of weird, alternative reality drug? And why has he just given to me?? And why has he now disappeared?? I decided that this 'Red Dragon' thing was not a good thing to have. 'Never accept gifts from strangers' my mum always said, 'particularly if their head is an afro' (Ok, maybe she didn't say the last bit).

Before leaving this weird world, I bumped into a couple of ladies. Given the nature of this weird place however, they weren't just any old ladies. One of them was dressed rather conventionally, whereas her companion was a little more, how shall we say, extroverted. Essentially, she was dressed in her underwear and wore a witches hat and carried a dragon around for company. Quite why she felt the need to carry a dragon around with her I have no idea, perhaps because she could. I realised at this point that there is a strange obsession in this place to accessorise with mythical creatures, or chickens.

After talking to these weird and wonderful characters, I decided to leave and re-enter the real world. A world where people don't carry chickens on their shoulders, or have afros for a head, or accessorise their clothes with a purple dragon. Having said that, how long will it be before Bush or Blair do all three?? Perhaps we will see Bush with a chicken on his shoulder after the elections. But after a while, would it be Bush with a chicken on his shoulder, or a chicken with a Bush under his feet?? Who knows, it's a crazy world!

Errrr...............

2006-10-30T12:59:00.000Z

Do you ever have one of those moments when you sit at the computer and you don't know what to write? Like right now. I don't feel like I have anything interesting to say whatsoever, but the computer was here, switched on, so I felt the urge to read some blogs. I guess there are loads of things that I could talk about. I just can't think of any. So here I am typing away, producing a load of inconsequential nonsense that you are inexplicably reading (you crazy fool). Seriously, why are you reading this?? Go and do something more useful. Paint your dog, shave your cat, make interesting sculptures out of brie, anything. Are you still there?? Man, you are crazy! Really, there is nothing to read here. There is no witty remarks, no joke, no revelations, nothing. And now you have just wasted all that time reading this. What do you think you have gained from this?? Nowt I tell thee. Still at least I have just killed ten minutes of spare time. Now who's the fool? Oh, it's me isn't it? Damn.